Sunday, September 18, 2011

The Family Tumors

Sheila and I are often asked, “How do you handle the day to day tension of the Brain Tumors that are constantly present in your family?” 

Usually we reply that it is impossible to relate the feeling to those outside looking in.  My thoughts returned to that question this past weekend.

Sheila and I sat staring at her new CT brain scans and comparing them from the previous years.  Her brain has been our focus each September for the past four years. We worried about the progressively deteriating left side and the speed at which it propels us down our path.  Brain tumors change your entire outlook on life.

This weekend, we sat in silence, eyes fixed on the increasingly widening cavity on the scan. Each year, even though we know it is there, we are stunned by the expanse. It is a sight you never get use too.

Suddenly, she looks to me and murmurs, “You don’t need to be a brain surgeon to see that!”

There is little else we can say. We are speechless.  Soon we become aware of the long, deep breaths that have automaticly kicked in to slow our pounding hearts.

Soon, her warm engaging smile thaws the icy silence, “It’s a miracle I still know you!”  She says.

I feel a tear streaking down the front of my cheek. “I love you," I reply.

No more words are needed. Silence lingers in the air, thickening the mental fog spreading throughout the room.

 “How does a family deal with a brain tumor?” A friend once asked.

We hold on tight and savor the moments. Moments so sweet and so precious that tears of sadness and tears of joy entwine as they make their way down our cheeks.  Love each other and always believe in the miracle.